Blah Blah Blah magazine (June 1996)
Robert Smith's musical vision of Euro'96 football teams :


ENGLAND = THE CURE
"Why ? Because we're the written-off underdogs who, come the glorious day, will be standing there holding the cup aloft at Wembley Stadium... No, to be honest I couldn't let anyone else be England."


GERMANY = GEORGE MICHAEL
"They're both very calculated and they're never ever going to surprise you. You always know exactly what they're going to do. But such a great moment it was when Bulgaria beat Germany in the World Cup! I took a really horrid satisfaction in seeing people like Klinsmann fall flat on his face. I really don't like Germany at all, George Michael on the other hand is a fabulous artist..."


CZECH REPUBLIC = RADIOHEAD
"Thom looks like somebody who could play for the Czech Republic. You can imagine the team photo : he'd be at the back on the right-hand side, and you wouldn't be able to work out where he was looking. Radiohead are huge in America and nobody's quite sure except that Thom's written really good songs and sticks to what he thinks is right. The Czech Republic are like Radiohead because they could be the dark horses of the whole thing."


SPAIN = BLACK GRAPE
"Because Spain look like they've probably found some sort of substance to enhance their performance which would go undetected in a blood test. They're also like Black Grape because they're flamboyant and a really weird mixture of very creative players and complete thugs."


BULGARIA = PAGE & PLANT
"That choir of Bulgarian women remind me of Page & Plant, close up. I can imagine Robert Plant drinking a flagon of red wine and going out naked on horseback and killing a load of people, like a Bulgarian would. Well, no, not a modern Bulgarian, but those old Bulgarian warriors, were a wild, nomadic, insane people. Like early Led Zeppelin."


DENMARK = STAR TURN
"Star Turn are a bit like Mike Flower Pops. When Marrs had that hit with 'Pump up the volume', they did a piss-take version called 'Pump up the bitter'. They play the pub and club circuit around Newcastle, and their singer looks like Jan Molby ! Denmark are really good but there's something humorous about them, and I think it's essentially Jan Molby's accent, that bizarre mixture of Danish with a scouse twang."


PORTUGAL = THE PRODIGY
"That clubbing attitude, being hot, crazy guys ; I can imagine The Prodigy playing a residency in Lisbon somehow. The Prodigy keep trying the same thing again and again until it works, the same as Portugal. Portugal will take endless free kicks trying to bend the ball around the wall and you think 'Oh, don't try that one again', but then suddenly in the 90th minute it works and they've won."


HOLLAND = SUPERGRASS
"Well I think Holland will win Euro '96, and really like Supergrass at the moment. I love them live. They're just at that point some bands reach where everything they try to do works really well. I think Holland have the right combination right now to walk and win, even if it all falls apart later. There's also the Rizla connection. And the colour orange."


SCOTLAND = BEASTIE BOYS
"Scotland are loud and lairy, and they come rampaging down shouting 'We're gonna win !', then they get knocked out in the first round. There's a certain charm in their refusal to lie down and be beaten. In the same sort of way the Beasty Boys made a good second album which got really slammed and everyone thought there time had gone, but then they came roaring back with a great record and became hip again."


ROMANIA = PETER GABRIEL
"This is a bit horrid and cynical, but I can imagine Peter Gabriel supporting Romania because of the orphans, or something. There would be a photo-opportunity. I like Romania and Georgi Hagi is excellent, but there's something about them that's... worthy. You feel like you should be supporting them because they had a hard time under Ceaucescu."


FRANCE = AND ALSO THE TREES
"This is a band the Cure have always liked, but like the French they're very stylish but never quite live up to their true potential. There's some kind of emotional character flaw in the French. The temperamental nature, the obvious diving and writhing the French do, And Also the trees do that as well."


ITALY = DEPECHE MODE
"Italy as in Milan, not as in Naples. I can imagine the young Dave Gahan being in the Italian team photo, and fly in Anton Corbijn (top super-moody-style photographer) to do it ! I'm not trying to be horrible here. The Italians are a mixture of clumsy players and brilliant ones. Like Depeche Mode ? No comment."


RUSSIA = CRANES
"Cranes look like a Russian peasant band, don't they ? They look like they've just travelled across the steppes barefoot. They get to the semi-finals and everybody says 'Oh, I really like the Russians' then forgets all about them, which is a bit like the Cranes. Oh, and I've seen Jim from the Cranes drink a whole bottle of vodka, which I thought only Russians could do."


TURKEY = SIMPLE MINDS
"This is a basic play on words. And I'm not trying to be nasty about Turkish people. No further comment needed."


CROATIA = BANCO DE GAIA
"Croatia seem to be like a good ambient sort of football team. They'll be in a couple of entertaining games and a couple of not-so-good ones. They're almost a filler team, but could come good at the time, which is like Banco de Gaia : they've consistently done my favourite ambient stuff, and been really really good, but haven't quite broken through."


SWITZERLAND = U2
"The Swiss speak several languages, pretend to be many different nationalities, and lots of people go there because the taxes are... convenient. The Swiss all have their own nuclear fall-out shelter but love everyone in the world, which is why they can never quite take side in a war. And obviously this is no reflection on U2 at all... U2 are from Switzerland, aren't they?"